As a child and even in my college years, I always loved the first day of school because I felt that the new school year brought with it the same amount of promise and revolution that a New Year brings in January. I have kind of viewed it like a blank slate where I can recreate myself in this new school year. Well, now that I am growing up (still in school – looking at you, Masters degree), I still always feel like the end of the summer is full of possibilities. Lately, I’ve been feeling frustrated. Frustrated with myself, frustrated with my body. Just frustrated. Not the kind of frustration that causes you to feel upset and in a rut though.. but rather, the kind of frustration that brings with it motivation.
I am about to get real with y’all for a minute… I have always been insecure about my body. My weight fluctuates a lot and unfortunately, when my weight fluctuates so does my confidence. I hate to say that because it makes me sound so superficial – like looks are the only things that matter. Of course, I know that not to be true. But it is nice to feel like you look good in your clothes and not to feel like you are being looked at for being chunky. I have always been chunky but this past year feel like I have finally started to get on a healthy track where I am not only looking better on the outside, but I am sure that I am looking better on the inside. With the new semester starting, I have committed myself to working out much more and to eating healthier. I guess I am writing this down on here to hold myself accountable – kind of like if you say it out loud you’re more likely to stick with it? Right? Right. Well, I have some big things coming on this blog and a big thing coming in my life (namely, a WEDDING to my high school sweetheart) and I want to feel like my best self for all of these exciting ventures (more on these to come over the next few weeks).
I turned 23 on July 1st and initially, I freaked out a little bit. I felt like I was behind my friends who are already out of school and earning and living on their own dime and who have moved out of their parent’s houses already. But then I reminded myself that every day is a blessing. It’s so easy to compare myself to others and to feel like I am not equal or that they have more than me. But I know that I am a daughter of the king and he has a plan for me, just like he does for all of his children. I am not yet earning, but I am half way to a masters degree. I am not yet moved out of my parent’s house, but I am getting my Master’s degree fully funded, and I am planning a wedding to my best friend, the man of my dreams. I have an amazing, supportive and loving family and a fantastic fiancé. Although I am still technically a student, I actually love where I am, and I know that what I am doing in school will set me up to follow my dreams in the future. So now, instead of feeling unequal and not as successful as some of my peers, I am feeling motivated. I am feeling motivated to continue my educational career and to finish my masters degree in the best way possible, to make it worth my while. I am motivated to find a job in a city that I love where I can continue to live my best life. I am also motivated about something now, that I never thought would be possible for me a few years ago. This blog, my favorite little space on the internet. I am so excited to continue to bring new and exciting content and to continue to grow my following and relationships!
This summer has been wonderful. My best friend asked me to spend the rest of my life with him (okay I know… enough about the fact that I get to marry my favorite person!!!), we went to Destin with our best friends, we went on a trip of a lifetime to Italy and now we are heading to Boston!!! But… I feel like I have fallen off of the wagon a little bit in terms of my own self-love and definitely in terms of my blog. I started eating badly without working out to compensate (but its just so easy to go and get yummy cocktails when it’s super hot outside), and I stopped being so regimented with my blog posts. Although I have been constantly posting on Instagram, I have so, so missed writing for Abigail Says. So… with the new semester I am vowing to get back to my self-love ways (gotta get that bride-bod, right?) and I am so excited to get back to my 3x a week posts here!
In October, I will celebrate my one year anniversary of starting Abigail Says and I can honestly say that it has been a dream come true. Although I am a very outgoing person and I appear to be quite brave and nonchalant about what people think of me, the truth is that I was terrified to step out on a limb. I was scared to be photographed, I was scared to put my thoughts down in writing to share with people, I was scared of what people would think. I thought that people would look at me and laugh or sneer and wonder why I thought that I was good enough to start a blog. I was worried that people would think this blog was just a reason for me to show off the things that I have. I was worried that people would think I wasn’t “cool enough” to be a blogger. Now, almost a year later I can say without a shadow of a doubt that starting this blog has been such a blessing to me and my little corner of the internet means more to me than I could ever begin to tell you. I feel like this is a part of my plan, I have made so many friendships and connections through my little blog, I have grown in my confidence and my networking abilities. I have come to sincerely love sharing my life with you all, and I am so blessed and humbled to be able to do it. My following has grown to more than I ever thought possible and I have had so many doors opened to me over the past 9 months that I had never even dreamed about. I have some very exciting content coming over the next few months that I cannot wait to share with you all!
Thank you so much for reading and allowing me to just word-vomit all of my thoughts on todays post. I am so blessed and I am so thankful for your support!